Wow…this new year has charged in fast and furious (much like the birth of my sweet little Genevieve 2 MONTHS ago…can you believe it??) My days have been filled with trying to balance 2 kids under 2, organizing/decluttering our home, and revamping our diets/health.
As the new year was rolling in, I began reflecting on things I wanted to do differently in 2013, the changes I wanted to see in myself, my marriage, my parenting, and my home. Last year was full of excitement, disappointment, challenges, and anticipation. But one thing that constantly nagged at my heart was whether or not I was truly INVESTING in my relationships, particularly my husband and child(ren). I want this year to be different. I want to wake up each day with a goal in mind of serving (yes, I said THAT word) my family, and more importantly my God. Undistracted. Unselfishly. Unrestricted. That means changing things.
As a mom to 2 little ones, and a husband who works 70-80 hrs a week…my social life isnt very “social”. So I did what 99% of people do, and I Facebooked. And Facebooked. And check the notifications again. And check the friend feed again….”oh wow, so-and-so is doing what?!”,” oh wow…this friend seems to have it all together, why cant I?” “I wish I could have date nights with my husband like so-and-so is having”, “wow..looks like these friends had fun…why wasnt I invited?”….who knew Facebook could arouse all these feelings and emotions?? And you never realize just how much time and attention it takes out of your day until you actually walk away from it. Which is what I had to do for now.
Do I think Facebook is all bad? Not at all! There’s just no room for it in my life right now until I can keep it in its proper place. And believe it or not, its been 10 days and it feels GOOD to not have it weighing on my heart. To know its not a source of contention between my husband and I (he really dislikes Facebook, haha), to know I’m investing in UNDISTRACTED time with my son, to know that now when I nurse my daughter, I’m looking her in the eyes and speaking to her, instead of scrolling through my facebook on my phone. (And trust me, she is WAY cuter than any Facebook status!) And just to let you know how time-consuming it was/can be…I accidentally logged back in via Spotify when I turned it on one day to listen to music while cleaning. I then had to go to my FB page to deactivate it again…it had only been a week…and I had 50+ notifications! (And no, I didnt even look at them!)
I do miss my friends on there and the easy interaction I had with them, but I’m enjoying the time with my family, and peace in my heart so much more. Not to mention, my house has never looked more organized and clean!! 🙂
The one area I havent amped up as of yet is my quiet times in the Word. I’m one of those people who enjoy “topical” devotions relevant to what I might be going through or feeling at the time (yeah, I’m emotional like that). My husband has mentioned he’d like to do a couples devotional every morning when possible (right now our 2 month old enjoys being a night owl most nights, so I tend to sleep in when I can). But I need something for my own growth as well, something to dig deep into…while juggling 2 babies and housework. I use my Bible App on my phone with different reading plans, but I feel I need something more to hold on to. Because while I spend a good amount of the day in prayer (usually praying I dont lose my cool with Gavin’s terrible twos, praying I have energy to get stuff done, praying the kids will nap, etc… 🙂 kidding, kinda!…), that’s always been a little easier for me than spending time in the Word. My husband reminded me just this morning that we are commanded to “meditate on it, DAY and NIGHT”…not just when Bethany feels like it.
Speaking of husband…mine is truly a blessing to me. We couldn’t be more opposite in personality most days, his bluntness almost always clashes with my sensitivity, but as our marriage grows stronger through trials (and I promise you, we have had our fair share!) and through learning one another….I know that God knew exactly what He was doing in bringing us together. He knew that I needed someone who could handle my crazy hormonal emotions during/after pregnancies, someone who would take the time to talk me down from fears, someone who would love me unconditionally.
He’s always thinking of little ways to “bless” me. Whether its getting up in the middle of the night to take over for our little diva who refuses to sleep sometimes, to buying me flowers “just because”, or some amazing coffee (he knows that’s truly the way to my heart!), or helping with the housework.
This morning I got up early to go to the grocery store before he left for work, because going alone is so much easier than dragging two kids with me. When I got back home, he had washed the dishes from last night, swept and mopped the floor, and mopped in the living room. This literally made me squeal with delight! See when you are addicted to something like Facebook and you give it up, your eyes start to see all the things you were neglecting…and now it bugs me to let my floor go unswept for more than a day or two. The problem is, with a toddler, I generally need to sweep every day. And mop (but with a toddler who is into everything, its more difficult to do than it sounds). So to come home with this already done for me was just the best blessing of the week!
He’s not perfect, and we are so different in so many ways, but he is truly what my heart needs and wants, and I adore him. In all honesty I need to make the effort to show him more of that.
There are so many goals for this year, and I’m sure I will blog about them soon enough. But for now I need to snuggle my sleepyhead Gavin and start our day.